think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize