You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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