Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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