is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
