happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
