Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
