Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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