Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
