You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
