When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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