how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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