He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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