At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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