Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
