how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
