I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize