I need to stop coming to work sober
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Enjoy the penises
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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