I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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