bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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