Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
