what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
