If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
