dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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