i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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