why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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