you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
