They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
