Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My pussy is not your playground.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize