Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
