Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
