I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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