i wish starbucks made bloody marys
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
