Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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