I'm eating all of the evidence.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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