I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
