Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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