saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
