all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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