I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
