The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize