yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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