I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
