My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
