Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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