2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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