She's JV to your varsity
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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