i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
