feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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