I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
