found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
