god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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