Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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