New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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