I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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