My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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