FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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