I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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