When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize