I'm drive I can fine osifer
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize