Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
