He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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