I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize