Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
