it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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