in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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