this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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