anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
