You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
