your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize