dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
