The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
