come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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