Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Soap is not a condiment
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
