It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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