My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
