okay pat passed out under dana's car
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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