Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize