I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
