Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
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