i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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