I looked at my own cervix.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
