no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
